Once Again

One of the many sights here on campus during finals week

Well, it’s time to move out. Just finished my third year of college. Wow.

In the face of the stress of finals, we students need a creative release

It’s time for summer once again, and once again I find myself dreading the uncertainty of where I’ll find my next rent payment and food. I’m really trying to not rest in the security of my plans and instead rest in the provision of God, but with the limited experience I have in trusting God, the experiences I am going through right now are taking all of the faith I have.

Finals are over, choir tour is over, and now I’m sitting in an apartment and finding myself filled with wonder at how God has walked with me through all of the things that have happened in the last year, two years, and five years. So much has changed in my life and the thought struck me recently that I’m not really sure how I got where I am. It just sort of happened. Of course I made choices about routines and pursuits but I never would have imagined that I’d be living on my own and not know how to provide for myself. I thought I was more responsible than this. Maybe it’s not about responsibility at all. Maybe sometimes life throws you curve balls and you just have to wait on God.


All of my life has been waiting for this culmination. Yet somehow I’m still stuck in between. It’s like everything about where I’ve been is about to give way into everything about where I will be and the catalyst is who I am now. I have been learning so much over the last few weeks about trusting God, and He’s been speaking to me a lot about things with cumulative value—things that are worth very little by themselves but compound into things of great worth, like working out or practicing violin. Now all of my knowledge is about to be lived out.

I’m having to make some choices that are, for me, very difficult to make. I can’t and won’t tell you my entire backstory—suffice it to say, as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, I will not be overcome by distress. All of the pain and hardships I’ve endured so far in life have been like miniature hurdles, each preparing me for the next one… until now. This is like a ten-page-violin-concerto, play-in-the-stratosphere-for-twelve-minutes, shift-positions-every-other-thirty-second-note hurdle. But that’s okay; Jesus is guiding every finger, every bowing, presiding over every note I play. He’s walking with me through life and He’s my moral support when I have to confront people and situations that are… unsavory.

My future has always been in God’s hands, it’s only now that my eyes of sight can’t see how I will attain to a future that I have begun to doubt God’s plans. I’m through with doubt! My eyes of faith tell me that God has great plans for my school campus and He wants to use me to bring revival. My eyes of faith tell me that I have a church family that loves and cares about me and prays for me even when I feel completely alone. My eyes of faith tell me that God has given His angels charge over me to deflect the Devil’s offensive against me. I know that God is for me, who can be against me? Surely not my future, surely not my doubt, surely not people I don’t like; and I refuse to hinder myself by not trusting God.

Impossible Chair
Eyes of sight would say this is impossible... have a little faith. 😉 Image credit: Mashable.com


Here’s my latest attempt at writing poetry. You can find more of my poems in my books. You can also find my latest book in Apple’s iBookstore by searching for “Snapshots”.


I have no more to say.
You have come and overcome
my spirit with Yours,
my spiritual moors
are strengthened by Your presence.

O God, I ask for greater faith!
All I’ve seen and all I’ve heard
reignites my trust in You,
reignite my trust in Who
You have shown Yourself to be.

Greater God of greater worth
than lesser trust which I possess,
may my hope in You give birth
to such a faith as won’t regress.

Have Your way in me, O God.
All of You in all of me
will surely satisfy the hole,
the hands of the LORD make whole
and bind up what is broken.