Ever have a moment of sudden revelation? I’ve been having many of these lately: simply going to and from activities, day to day, when all of a sudden, the smallest thing will strike me. The way the clouds have formed, the way a friend speaks, the stillness of the air, the way a stranger walks across the room… I find myself constantly stopping in my tracks and reeling from the weight of the realizations from these simple things, and often I find I don’t have the words to express them. The lack of words is what really causes me to ache inside: when realizations come with intense feelings I often feel that I need to write to release and understand them, but somehow their intensity prevents my mind from piecing them together in any logical sense. Allow me to share one of my recent moments.
This picture has so many feelings attached to it. When I saw this scene walking back from dinner one night I almost started crying and had to snap this photo. I look at this and feel an intense foreboding and hope and peace simultaneously. The way the sun is setting grips my heart with longing and urgency. It’s as if the day had reached its climax and everything around me had become ripe and full, ready to be made new by night. This is perhaps more telling of where my heart is at than anything else. I definitely feel a longing for a sort of renewal and sense a sort of urgency for preparing for my next stage of life, but I have no idea what these things look like and that is quite possibly why I can’t seem to properly describe the feelings I’m experiencing. All in all, I have to admit that this moment was suddenly beautiful and I left carrying the weight of blessing in my spirit. Just to have been given this experience felt like a tremendous blessing. I’m still reeling from it.