I’ve been hearing a lot of messages lately about God’s love. God’s love. God’s affection. As one speaker put it, the word love is used so much that it fails to impact us the way it should when used in regard to the way God feels about us. God is affectionate toward us. Affectionate. Yet even this word seems dead to me, or I to it. Should that move me to cry to God for a heart that can respond to Him? In some small way, it does. Maybe if I start asking, that desire will grow.
I want, as Mike Bickle said in a message at IHOP, a heart that is fascinated by God. The most important thing in life has got to be the knowledge of God. The knowledge of God is the experience of Him in all of the ways that He expresses His identity. He is Jehovah-Rapha, Jehovah-Nissi, Jehovah-Jireh, Adonai, Elohim, El-Shaddai, El-Elyon. He is Healer, Provider, Father, Redeemer, Lover, Friend, and King. He is wonderful, majestic, awesome, active, compassionate, holy, and beautiful. I want the knowledge of this God and knowledge to the full.
Right now, I am learning to experience God as “the God who is for me.” Somehow in all my time walking with God, I have failed to truly consider Him as “for me,” but somehow saw Him as “indifferent to me.” But the Bible says that God is for us, and very passionately so! As Ben Woodward says in a prayer from His Proclamation and Confession workbook, “But today I stare into the truth of Your word and declare that You loved me with such a great love that You ransacked heaven on my behalf and sent Your Son to save me!” (Proclamation and Confession workbook, page 55) I am aware that there is great power in this truth, but my heart can’t seem to connect with it. But I want to. I have no choice but to keep pressing in and proclaiming the truth until God releases to me the understanding of it. Father, reveal to me the knowledge of God!
Today, God broke through all of the noise in my life. I really needed to hear from Him today and He led me and guided me to the right place and the right circumstance so that He could just shower His love on me. I’m really in awe of Him. I really love Him. Here’s a new poem for you that I pray encourages you to hold fast to God’s promises.
Now, I feel a gentle breeze,
Subtle, first, but no less real,
Now it comes, oh satisfying
Peace of mind! Don’t leave me.
Now, I feel a rushing wind,
Holy Spirit, come upon me
To the full and overflow!
Overflow me with hope.
Now, I feel a slight concern,
Feelings fresh now slowly fading,
With this promise, though, they leave:
“I am with you always.”
Now, of this promise I am sure,
And though my eyes of sight obscure
The promise that my faith assures,
My hope will endure.
Transition: that’s what my life has been about it seems. From as early as I can remember, I have always had changes in my life. Sometimes they were small things like the variety of food on the dinner table. Other times, it was big things like parents divorcing or moving out from under my parents’ roof. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to paint a bleak picture at all; I just am keenly aware of the rhythm of change in my life. It’s funny: when I feel like there isn’t anything changing, I feel stuck, stagnant, and purposeless. I wonder if I’m simply made for change? Change and transition is what first inspired me to write poetry (take a look at my works page) and I believe it is still what I write primarily about.
I’m currently going through a BIG change. I have moved out from under my parents’ roof and am learning and experiencing life in an entirely new way. As I continue to unpack and adjust to my new living environment, God has been faithful to provide for my financial needs and has been teaching me just how sweet it really is to trust Him. In the words of a favorite hymn of mine, “‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus / just to take Him at His Word / just to rest upon His promise / just to know thus saith the LORD.”
God is breaking down walls of fear and pride that I have built within myself. They are nothing more than idols which I have willingly bowed down too, blinding my eyes to the reality of who God is and just how big His plans for my life are. Yes, the winds of change are blowing. Transition is sweeping through my life like a breath of fresh air, like the pound of the ocean surf, like orbit of the earth around the sun.